The Fault in our Stars Epilogue
by truebluedez
Summary: After Gus dies, Hazel and Isaac attempt to learn how to live life both with their physical limitations and without Gus. *I may lengthen this later on, as it is just a very short epilogue, but for now this is what I have*


TFIOS Epilogue Fan Fiction

You know that feeling of relief you get when you wake up from a particularly realistic nightmare and you can comfort yourself with the knowledge that it didn't actually happen? After Augustus died, I was forced to experience the opposite effect. I would dream about him and then wake up with this huge weight on my chest. I mean, that is somewhat expected considering I am in stage four cancer and my lungs suck at being lungs, but this was different. I would wake up gasping for air, unable to breath and no amount of oxygen could completely remedy the feeling.

The only thing that kept me fighting was my parents. I know they are prepared for the inevitable. Someday I will die. It could be two weeks from now; it could be twenty years from now (though I highly doubt the latter). But though they have come to terms with the fact that I'm a ticking time bomb, they wouldn't be able to handle it if I just gave up trying. They are strong people, my parents, but I don't intend to make their job any harder than I already have. So, I put on a brave face like always and tried to ignore the pain.

Some days were worse than others. Some days were downright unbearable. But Isaac and I were able to tackle them together. We stopped attending the literal heart of Jesus support group and instead made our own support group with each other. We talked about everything. Mostly, we talked about how pissed we were about life. Isaac was still pissed about his ex-girlfriend, Monica, but mostly about his lack of eyesight (to put it generously). And I was pissed about my incapable lungs and my cancer. But these were nothing compared to how pissed we both were about losing Augustus.

"Gus was just one of those people that it sucks to lose, ya know?" And Isaac's words just about summed it all up. Losing him sucks, having cancer sucks, and life in general sucked.

But at least we have each other to soften the blow. Whenever either of us would have a particularly rough day, we would get through it together. Both of us understood exactly what the other was going through.

But though we practically knew how the other was feeling without words, it took us awhile to realize, or maybe accept what was right in front of us.

I never thought I would love again after Augustus died. I didn't even know how many more cruel infinities I had left. But Isaac and I felt right together. Well, after some time.

When we first started to feel it I think we both tried to ignore it because we felt it would be like betraying Augustus. But as time went on we couldn't ignore it anymore.

"Isaac," I said after a particularly awkward pause in our daily rant, "we can't do this anymore."

"Hazel," Isaac sighed, "each other are all we have left. I can't…I can't lose you too."

"No, Isaac. I mean I can't pretend anymore! We can't keep ignoring the fact that we are avoiding our feelings towards each other simply out of guilt."

"But Gus…"

"Gus would want us to love again. Don't get me wrong, I loved Augustus and always will, but I love you too Isaac. I just need a chance to figure out if I am even still capable of loving someone like I loved him. Right now I love you as a friend, but I can't deny that I feel it could be more."

And so, I discovered that I was capable of love again. I can't compare my love for Augustus to my love for Isaac, for they were completely different. Falling in love with Augustus was like falling asleep. My love with Isaac was much more gradual. We had to keep convincing ourselves that we weren't betraying Augustus and though this worked after a while, it took some time before we could act on our desire without feeling guilt.

Isaac knows he is in love with a grenade. He knows that my days are numbered. This used to bother me. But something Augustus taught me was that though you don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, you do have some say in who hurts you. Isaac has made his choice and so have I. And as far as I can tell, we are happy with this decision.


End file.
